5 Topics to Avoid (and how to avoid them) This Thanksgiving
As students, faculty and staff prepare to head home for the holidays, "The College Today" offers a few suggestions to avoid heated discussions at the Thanksgiving table.
Thanksgiving is filled with family traditions, whether it’s throwing the football while the turkey is roasting, watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade or betting on which dog will win the National Dog Show. But one tradition everyone hopes to avoid is the family argument.
As families and friends gather around the table, they bring with them diverse opinions, which can sometimes lead to lively debates – or, at worse, angry comebacks and hurt feelings. While some may enjoy discussing politics or tastes in music, during Thanksgiving, it’s often best to steer clear of sensitive or controversial topics that can lead to tension.
By shifting the conversation to these more positive topics, you can foster a sense of community and appreciation, helping everyone feel comfortable and engaged during the holiday. Because, ultimately, Thanksgiving is about embracing togetherness and expressing gratitude while appreciating the differences within our families.
Below are five topics you might want to avoid this Thanksgiving, and five ways to steer the conversation in a different direction.
Politics
Instead of, “Who did you vote for?” ask, “What’s something you’re excited about for the future?”
With the election fresh on everyone’s mind, politics are a natural topic of conversation this Thanksgiving. But political discussions can quickly escalate into arguments. It’s best to keep the conversation light and avoid partisan debates.
Instead of debating policies, ask people about their hopes and goals for the future – whether it’s personal aspirations, advancements in technology or environmental progress. This can spark inspiring conversations without the divisiveness of politics.
Religion
Instead of, “Shall we bow our heads in prayer?” ask, “What traditions make this holiday special to you?”
Thanksgiving itself isn’t a religious holiday, so religious subtexts aren’t as inevitable as they are at, say, Christmas or Easter. But there may be a prayer or blessing of the food that could lead to uncomfortable situations, especially if others feel their beliefs are being questioned or criticized.
You can still acknowledge people’s traditions without delving into religious specifics. Ask about what traditions everyone enjoys, whether it’s holiday-related or just family customs, creating space for cultural sharing.
Money/Finances
Instead of, “When do you think you’ll get that raise?” ask, “What’s something you’ve learned or accomplished recently?”
Whether you have just been promoted or just lost a job, conversations about salaries or financial struggles can be uncomfortable and may make others feel awkward or envious.
Instead of talking about income or financial stress, focus on personal achievements or new skills learned, whether it’s a hobby, a project or a professional accomplishment. This keeps the conversation positive and forward-thinking.
Food Choices/Diet/Weight
Instead of, “Do you really need another helping?” ask, “What’s your favorite dish at the Thanksgiving table?”
Food is a big part of Thanksgiving, but commenting on your own or someone else’s diet choices, weight or health issues can be intrusive and potentially hurtful. It can bring up insecurities that we aren’t even aware of.
Instead of commenting on food choices, body image or dieting, focus on the enjoyment of the meal itself. Asking about favorite dishes or family recipes can encourage people to share cherished memories and food stories.
Parenting/Family Planning
Instead of, “When are you two going to have kids?” or “Why do you let your kids get away with that?” ask, “What are some of your most hilarious stories from your childhood/adventures in parenting?”
When it comes to our children – or lack thereof – our choices on if/how we raise them are deeply personal. And yet, everyone’s got an opinion – even people who don’t have kids! Giving someone advice on how to raise their children or criticizing their children’s behavior is rarely helpful and may start an argument. And commenting on the number of kids someone has, asking when they’ll have another or speculating on when they’ll start their family, puts them in an incredibly awkward situation.
Instead of critiquing or prodding, try sharing hilarious parenting stories instead. And for those at the table who are not parents, ask them about funny stories from their own childhood.
